sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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