FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
