She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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