god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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