So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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