i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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