I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
