Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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