OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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