Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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