Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
