I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
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