Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I have feelings that need drinking.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
