I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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