I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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