Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Randomize
