I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
