well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
