I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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