Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
