She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
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NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
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whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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