And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
