i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Come share oat with me in your robe
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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