My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
