I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
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