even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
