i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
