im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
