Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
