haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i love accidental penises.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
