haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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