My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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