Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
