3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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