If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
