If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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