I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
