sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
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I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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