It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
