Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
