my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
