I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
