I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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