You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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