Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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