NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize