and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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