I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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