I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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