We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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