He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
