Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
