This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
