and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
