2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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