Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
