literally had 100 drinks last night.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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