when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
