I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
