Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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