Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
