I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
