Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
