At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
