hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
The cops high fived after they tackled you
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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