Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
